You Know You're A Teacher....

I discovered some odd quirks about myself that have only emerged as I have started teaching. Things about myself that surprise and disgust me all at the same time. I've compiled a list to help you understand the sick and twisted mind of a teacher:
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A TEACHER:
-When you get excited at Target while noticing that there are new colors in white board markers which you have never seen before...especially neon colors!
-When you can't wait to sit and gossip with the other teachers about rumors you heard some of the students talking about
-When you compare with other teachers the love matches you've made in your head amongst the students...and how you've assigned them to sit by each other in order to make your love connection complete
-When you hate the sound of your own last name
-When every other sentence out of your mouth is "What did I JUST say?"
-When you find yourself counting to 3 more than you ever did in elementary school
-When "shut up" and "stupid" have entered into the "bad word" zone...even though the second you leave school, you drop four letter words like they're running out of style
-When you look forward to Friday so you can pop in a movie, call it "visual learning" and catch up on grading

Oh...and the number one way you can tell you're a teacher...
When your favorite day of the week is Thursday, when you and the other teachers go to a local bar for tacos(the best in the world), drinks and venting about students!!!

I hope you're all having an amazing week!

Tattle Tales...

So...I've decided to rekindle my love for writing. I also realized that I haven't blogged since I have become a teacher, which is crazy because there is so much to write about. I've now been teaching High School/Elementary Spanish, 6th Grade Math and 6th Grade Art for about 2 months. It has been quite the adventure and I feel as if I learn a new lesson everyday from the kids...or the other teachers. The biggest lesson I've learned is that kids ranging from preschool to seniors in high school will do ANYTHING for candy. I have turned my 6th graders from yelling, chaotic, disturbed children into respectful, peaceful and attentive learners...all by waving some candy in front of their face. There are also some high schoolers who beg me to wipe my white boards or clean trash off of my floor for candy.
I've also decided that I need to read much more than I have been lately. This was encouraged as I recently finished "Running With Scissors" by Augusten Burroughs. It's quite possibly the most akwardly funny piece of literature I have ever read. There were moments that I found myself laughing out loud and then wondering, "hmmm...should I actually be laughing at this?" I encourage anyone with an appetite for something funny to dive into this nugget that's pregnant with satirical wit.
Well, I think that is about it for now. Off to do some last minute lesson planning and start reading "Into the Wild" by Jon Krakauer...thanks to a suggestion from Lauren!

burnt out...

i've decided that this monday has set the work tone for the rest of the week-and that ain't good! today was one of those days at work where i left thinking "do i really need this job? do i get paid enough to deal with this garbage? is this really what i want to be doing with my life?" and even if the answer is "no" to all of those questions, the answer is "yes" to an even more important question like "do i need to pay my bills?" oh growing up...when did you become so hard to do?
i've been trying to be more positive about things...especially after my last blog. i've taken up whistling again. last year i decided to dedicate one year to becoming an expert whistler. i whistled everyday for 15 minutes. well, that only lasted about 3 months. i guess i'll never be a professional whistler! oh well, it still makes me very happy to whistle. because honestly...can you frown when you're whistling? i dare you to try. i've also taken up word searches. and when i say "taken up" i should have said i've caught the disease of addiction to word searches. nothing is quite as rewarding as finding that last word on the list and feeling like a real champ. i don't even care if that sounds freakishly nerdy.
my last idea to make my life more exciting and positive is finding little dive places to hang out with friends. this last weekend we discovered a little nugget of delight known as "laurie's little shack by the railroad track." i understand that the establishment's title is a little wordy, but it is great! the regulars at this little hot spot included 50-60 year old woman who thought they were pretty darn sexy in their much too tight shorts and way too low tops, as well as an older gentleman lacking teeth and sporting a leopard print bathrobe. we sang a little karaoke(bootylicious in particular) and we made friends with some very interesting people. i love the crazy in depth conversations had with strangers. so, i'm crossing my fingers that i get through this week without any sort of meltdown!

late night thoughts...

as i sit here just trying to fall asleep amid the torment of my allergies, i feel the need to put some of my thoughts down where i can see them. as of late i have been pondering the age old questions-"what am i doing with my life?' i understand that everyone asks this questions, but i often have been stressed out about many recent happenings in my life. my luck and judgement with relationships has been more than upsetting lately. i've come up with a new motto for my life: "my life is a shitfield." please understand that i say this with an air of humor.
in this way, should something upsetting happen, well of course it happens, because my life is shitfield. haha. i'm hoping that i am coming to a turning point soon and that this turning point puts my life back into the upswing of things. i've recently made some decisions about my education and personal life, hopefully both of these decisions will do nothing but grow me into a better person.
in another frame of mind i have been in lately is that of somewhat avoiding church and any religion lately. i can't remember the last time that i went to church and i'm seriously doing some murky, in-depth soul searching. i have been struggling so much with the idea behind religion(who in their 20's hasn't at some point?)and what it's real purpose is. maybe i've just become a cynic, or my eyes have finally been opened. either way, it's a hot button topic with me lately. i keep saying to myself over and over that this is a phase that i'm going through, but i have been wondering if that statement holds any truth, or if i just say it to myself and others to justify my "out-there" thoughts. who knows? and sometimes i think "who cares?"

UPDATING!

I honestly haven't been on here in forever, or even thought about it. Life has been pretty hectic and crazy. This Summer has been such a treat and delight. The beginning of the Summer started out with my best friend and old roomie Lauren getting married in probably the most beautiful/amazing wedding I've ever had the privelage to go to, let alone be in. Some circumstances came up to where I wouldn't be returning to Russia and it did totally work out for me to go to Haiti. Going to Haiti was probably the most humbling amazing experience of my entire life. It's hard for me to even put into words what Haiti means to me because I feel that no explanation will truly give justice to the experience. I learned more about faith in that two weeks than I have in my entire life. The Lord has now given me such a heart for Haiti, and just the nations in general. I have such a traveling bug and the more I stay in the states, the more I want to get out of them. I realized that since my sophomore year in High School I haven't stayed an entire year solely in the states. It's like I'll have a panic attack if I'm in the states for longer than that. I hate that as I return from another country I so quickly return to living the way that I always have, it's so hard to translate what an overseas experience should do to my life in America. And now as school is starting for me next week, I'll be even further into monotony and the daily life in the states which only deepens my craving to be out of the states and on the missions field. I've really been feeling upset and sad lately about Haiti, it's hard because no one except for Team Haiti understands. That is why I'm so blessed with the friendships I made and the friendships that were deepened through this trip, so that I have friends that can relate to me. I've been very blessed this summer and I'm hoping the fall and school year will continue in this same pattern. That should be enough of an update!

Socialism what?!?!!?

So...pretty much everyday I've been reading and researching about socialism. I don't even know where this passion is coming from, but it's pretty exciting so I'm going with it. I would probably call myself more of a moderate socialist. When I've told some friends about possibly being a communist/socialist...there are gasps and "no ways." I think that these are naive reactions. I am merely agreeing with a school of thought which promotes equality and the betterment of all men, not just the rich upperclass. And the more I learn about socialism/communism the more I start to learn about Russian history and the Russian mindset in general. All good information to be aware of for my next trip to Russia in the Summer. I seriously CANNOT wait for the trip this year!I talk with friends who went last year almost everyday, and the excitement and anticipation is escalating. Learning is feeding me right now, probably like it never has before. I believe the spark that started it all is my Milton class. John Milton was a genius like no other. Some may even say that he was "a serial intellectual rapist", that is an actual quote from my class. If you haven't read Paradise Lost yet, do it!You're life will never be the same! At least read his poem "On Shakespeare" he pretty much murders all the other poets who attempted to do the same!

Praise the Lord-Hallelujah!(a light shine downs from heaven)

MY FALL SEMESTER IS DONE!!!! This definitely was my day from hell...well the beginning. My day started out at 8am with a 12 page Grammar final. If that doesn't sound fun...well it wasn't so that's why. But my Grammar prof gave us candy canes before our test, so that half way through that hell we could poke our eyeballs out with them. After that, I had to attend about an hour in my drama class-cause the final was cancelled thanks to the power of a student's voice-and I was instantly made aware of how socially handicap Simpson kids are. When asked what fun thing we would be doing this one particular girl who should have kept this embaressing moment to herself said"I'll probably be finishing my Civil War Ball Gown." Now you might be asking yourself why in the world would someone do this-because that is what I thought. She explained that she wanted to be prepared in case she one day was in a re-enactment or maybe one day if they make a time machine and by chance she is invited to a ball-she will be prepared. She didn't say the last part, I made that up. After that I had a 4 page front and back Shakespeare final, and after that an 8 page front and back C.S. Lewis final. So needless to say...my hands hurt real bad after all this. But to bring joy back to my day, we had our annual Refuge leader appreciation dinner tonight at Yuet(?)Bistro. So yummy. After me and Ericka went shopping and then watched some Elf cause everyone else went to see Narnia. Well, I better get to bed I'm exercising with Ericka in the a.m and then I have a meeting at the church! Have a beautiful day you beautiful people! Oh you should all check out this awesome website that my Russian students made...it makes me smile---http://exchange.unifree.ru/

So much to do...so little time!

I thought I had to work at 3 today, and just realized I'm not working til 4...so I thought I would pass the time on this. So...my Theatre professor promised us at the beginning of the year that if we spend a whole day in Ashland(listening to panels, lectures, seeing plays) then we wouldn't have to take the final. We all made sure that she was positive about this, so I and numerous other students believed this promise and spent money we didn't have to miss a whole day of classes. Well last week she tells us that she changed her mind and we really do have to do this final assignment which is a GANGLOAD of work. I have to memorize all these lines and other lame stuff. My favorite professor/advisor Philippian told me that I need to go talk to the chair of the English department because students have sued and won in cases just like mine. I'm kind of nervous, but I'm so angry too--I want her to keep her promise. Beyond learning lines for that class where I play a wife who comes back to find her best friend(played by Karley) instantly moved in as soon as she left. It's a really emotional play-and I'm not good at acting. Plus I'm supposed to have this like intimate embrace with this guy in my class who was WAY too okay with this scene when we talked about it. The prof said we should give each other backrubs to prepare for our roles...okay hell no! On top of that I'm making a Shakespeare video this weekend and play the King of the Fairies in A Midsummer Night's Dream. It's a whole lot of acting-not looking forward to that. Beyond all the work though-life is pretty great. My parents are being fabulous. It's like ever since they're going to buy me all this stuff for Christmas they're my best friends. I'm not sure why...but I'm enjoying it. It's so funny cause I never even asked for anything for Christmas, I never usually ask for anything in particular-cause I never know what I want. And I absolutely LOVE surprises!!! I'm just happy for the Season and remembering what an amazing gift of love and sacrifice God gave me through Jesus!

So many changes---Praise the Lord!

Sometimes change makes me crazy and sometimes I love it. Right now the change in my life is amazing. Ericka is back and I am so freakin' excited. She is such an amazing person and a breath of fresh air in my life. I just love her to death and love the fact that I can see the Lord in like everything that she does. She is like the family that I always wanted-a sister that comes with an amazing mom who is my mentor too. And Lauren is moving in-how freakin' excited am I about that. Also an amazing woman. I am so blessed with the friendships that the Lord has blessed me with. I have a ginormous C.S. Lewis test tomorrow that I'm kind of scared of, but I'm sure it will be okay. After tomorrow, I don't have school again until next Wednesday. So yet another blessing of time that I can spend relaxing, hanging out with friends and loving the Lord. Have a beautiful day! And I read this quote the other day by Kathy Troccoli that I wrote on my white board because I like it soooo much-enjoy!
"All I wish for, all I long for is to be a holy woman. Thank you Father, that you have released the power for me to do so, and that everything in this life that comes my way-the instruments that bring joy or sorrow-is held by your divine hands, carving the very nature, the very heart of Jesus in me!"

Oh the change that school brings(by change I mean stress!)

So...don't get me wrong, I adore school, but I'm a little stressed out. I read for hours at night either Shakespeare or C.S. Lewis and my brain wants to explode afterwards! I'm reading some Oscar Wilde on the side so I can actually have a break in reading something I don't have to overanalyze every second. This shows how much of an English Major I am, that on the side as a "break" I'm reading a Brittish playwright/critic. My Grammer teacher is absolutely ridiculous and he told me today that he was thinking of not allowing me to come into class today-yikes! When I'm not stressed out at school-I've been super stressed out at work! Just as I have been thinking of quitting the Dr., just about every patient has told me how much they like and appreciate me. I almost cried with what one of the patients said. Yesterday a man came in because the catholic church makes a person have a psychological exam before they will perform an excorcism-creepy huh? When he went in the office I just stood right outside, laying hands on the door and praying. It helped get rid of any fear I had-cause hello-God is sooo much more powerful. And on top of all of this I have been getting tons of pressure from my dad to move back home after this semester! aaaggghhhh!!!!! What's scary is I actually thought about it for a day-then I had to do a genogram for my marriage & family class which just plots out all of my family and things like: death, marriage, divorce, alcohol/drug abuse, sexual and physical abuse and all that fun stuff. Everyone had crazy stuff attached to them and then there was my little circle. There should have been a symbol for having Christ in my life because that is the only reason I'm a sane person without crazy problems in my family. I'm so blessed to be where I am. I'm listening to this song right now by Nichole Nordeman called "Why?"(please listen to it if you have a chance)and it's a song from the point of view of both a little girl and God during the crucifixion-it's amazing. Just a great reminder of God love for us and willingness to sacrifice for us-shouldn't I also be so willing to sacrifice all my insecurities, shortcomings and worries to him?

I miss my nephew!

I know this is an awful picture(so blurry), but it's so cute to me because I took this picture when I was about to leave and he was so sad that I was leaving he wouldn't smile and he wouldn't even look at the camera! So...when I'm sad and missing someone or anything I write-that's what you do when you're an English Major! So-here it goes:

How much do I love you?
How much would you say?
"More than the night?" he asked
"More than the day?"
Oh, much more than that
And let me tell you why-
You made me an aunt
You're the apple of my eye
You're growing so fast now
Into such a handsome boy
Each time I come see you
You bring my heart such joy
I love you like no one
I've ever loved before
An instant connection
From the moment you were born
What would I do for you?
How far would you say?
"Would you do anything?" he asked
"Walk as far as the earth lay?"
Oh much more than that
Let me tell you how far-
I'd walk right up to the sky
And grab you the shiniest star
I love you so much
And you'll never quite know
The battles I'll fight for you
And depths to which I'll go
So, if you ever feel alone
Or just under the weather
Know that I'm here for you
Always and forever!!!!

I heart Russia!

So...I haven't even been back from Russia for a whole week and I so desperately miss it. It was by far the most incredible experience of my life. It gave me a heart for missions that I never truly had before. My idea of God just exploded and my relationship with Him is closer than ever. God has seriously done some awesome things in my life and I feel truly blessed that I was given the opportunity to share His light and love with those in Russia. I want to go back so badly next year and I won't let myself make any excuses to not go. I want you all to go to Russia too-then we can share the awesome experience. Some awesome things about Russia:
1-the metro rocks my face off(a drunk guy fell on me at 9 am-can i say delight?)
2-pirates are everywhere
3-jean on jean is a disease in Russia-pray for them!
4-so much history in every place you go-it make me sad that America is such a baby country
5-their cell phones are ridiculous-cooler then anything we'll probably have for 10 years
Oh I could go on forever! Right now I'm housesitting/babysitting for the hell beasts. Praise the Lord though I have gotten some sweet relief by swimming with such delightful companions as the Tyler's and soon to be Black's. I am so thankful for my amazing friends here in Redding! I hope you are all having an amazing Summer!

Wow--even more poetry!!!

I don't mean to have all these poems that talk about crying-it's just coincidence!!! I swear!!
CRY
The death of a loved one
The absence of a friend
Your heart being broken
The beginning of an end
The birth of your child
The hurt of alone
Your fondest childhood memory
The first time you leave home
Someone you love has just let you down
Your flooded with joy when your lost child's found
It's been 50 years since you both said 'I do'
Your father lays still as you watch from a pew
Your very first love
Your last funeral mourned
You look back at these things
And a teardrop is formed

Ahhh....the release that poetry brings!!!

A DAUGHTER'S CRY
He chose to hurt, he chose to lie
He chose to make his daughter cry
Years of trust went down the drain
A broken girl is what remains
A pain so harsh it can't be real
A shattered heart no one can heal
How could this man she loved so much
make her cringe with just one touch?
Her heart grows cold with each icy glance
He doesn't deserve another chance
"He hurt us God," she yelled at night
"now mom and him can only fight"
"Is this your plan? Is this from you?"
"I won't believe that that is true"
Her heart so cold no one could melt
Until the love of God was felt
'YOUR TRUST SHOULD ONLY BE IN ME'
'MY PLANS FOR YOU, YOU DON'T YET SEE'
'COME HERE MY CHILD, I'M TOO YOUR DAD'
'BUT I WON'T HURT YOU, I WON'T GET MAD'
'MY LOVING ARMS WILL ONLY HOLD'
'MY GENTLE MOUTH WILL NEVER SCOLD'
Slowly, slowly her eyes turned up
Looking to Him to fill her cup
God changed her father's heart and mind
until his words were only kind
She saw in him a man of love
Whose strength and hope came from above
Years have passed and trust was gained
A loving bond is what remains
What God has done to change these lives
Has healed the scars and killed the lies
She stands by his side and hears him sigh
This time it's her whose made him cry
He holds her hand tight with no words to say
The love that he feels as he gives her away
He looks at this man and with tears in his eye
Prays to the Lord that he won't make her cry