as i sit here just trying to fall asleep amid the torment of my allergies, i feel the need to put some of my thoughts down where i can see them. as of late i have been pondering the age old questions-"what am i doing with my life?' i understand that everyone asks this questions, but i often have been stressed out about many recent happenings in my life. my luck and judgement with relationships has been more than upsetting lately. i've come up with a new motto for my life: "my life is a shitfield." please understand that i say this with an air of humor.
in this way, should something upsetting happen, well of course it happens, because my life is shitfield. haha. i'm hoping that i am coming to a turning point soon and that this turning point puts my life back into the upswing of things. i've recently made some decisions about my education and personal life, hopefully both of these decisions will do nothing but grow me into a better person.
in another frame of mind i have been in lately is that of somewhat avoiding church and any religion lately. i can't remember the last time that i went to church and i'm seriously doing some murky, in-depth soul searching. i have been struggling so much with the idea behind religion(who in their 20's hasn't at some point?)and what it's real purpose is. maybe i've just become a cynic, or my eyes have finally been opened. either way, it's a hot button topic with me lately. i keep saying to myself over and over that this is a phase that i'm going through, but i have been wondering if that statement holds any truth, or if i just say it to myself and others to justify my "out-there" thoughts. who knows? and sometimes i think "who cares?"
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