Monday, July 21, 2008

burnt out...

i've decided that this monday has set the work tone for the rest of the week-and that ain't good! today was one of those days at work where i left thinking "do i really need this job? do i get paid enough to deal with this garbage? is this really what i want to be doing with my life?" and even if the answer is "no" to all of those questions, the answer is "yes" to an even more important question like "do i need to pay my bills?" oh growing up...when did you become so hard to do?
i've been trying to be more positive about things...especially after my last blog. i've taken up whistling again. last year i decided to dedicate one year to becoming an expert whistler. i whistled everyday for 15 minutes. well, that only lasted about 3 months. i guess i'll never be a professional whistler! oh well, it still makes me very happy to whistle. because honestly...can you frown when you're whistling? i dare you to try. i've also taken up word searches. and when i say "taken up" i should have said i've caught the disease of addiction to word searches. nothing is quite as rewarding as finding that last word on the list and feeling like a real champ. i don't even care if that sounds freakishly nerdy.
my last idea to make my life more exciting and positive is finding little dive places to hang out with friends. this last weekend we discovered a little nugget of delight known as "laurie's little shack by the railroad track." i understand that the establishment's title is a little wordy, but it is great! the regulars at this little hot spot included 50-60 year old woman who thought they were pretty darn sexy in their much too tight shorts and way too low tops, as well as an older gentleman lacking teeth and sporting a leopard print bathrobe. we sang a little karaoke(bootylicious in particular) and we made friends with some very interesting people. i love the crazy in depth conversations had with strangers. so, i'm crossing my fingers that i get through this week without any sort of meltdown!

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

late night thoughts...

as i sit here just trying to fall asleep amid the torment of my allergies, i feel the need to put some of my thoughts down where i can see them. as of late i have been pondering the age old questions-"what am i doing with my life?' i understand that everyone asks this questions, but i often have been stressed out about many recent happenings in my life. my luck and judgement with relationships has been more than upsetting lately. i've come up with a new motto for my life: "my life is a shitfield." please understand that i say this with an air of humor.
in this way, should something upsetting happen, well of course it happens, because my life is shitfield. haha. i'm hoping that i am coming to a turning point soon and that this turning point puts my life back into the upswing of things. i've recently made some decisions about my education and personal life, hopefully both of these decisions will do nothing but grow me into a better person.
in another frame of mind i have been in lately is that of somewhat avoiding church and any religion lately. i can't remember the last time that i went to church and i'm seriously doing some murky, in-depth soul searching. i have been struggling so much with the idea behind religion(who in their 20's hasn't at some point?)and what it's real purpose is. maybe i've just become a cynic, or my eyes have finally been opened. either way, it's a hot button topic with me lately. i keep saying to myself over and over that this is a phase that i'm going through, but i have been wondering if that statement holds any truth, or if i just say it to myself and others to justify my "out-there" thoughts. who knows? and sometimes i think "who cares?"